as start of a new beginning.. is it?

selesai sudah hidup sebgai undergraduate... unofficially lah. sbb presentation thesis lusa ( 12/5/11)

tp hari ni, da unofficially start master's degree. a very small step towards my dream. xpe. mula kecik2 dl. kn?
semalam jmp sv, lets call him Prof. S. he said, da boleh start terus eventhough result sem ni x kuar lagi. hohoho...
jimat mase. harap2nyelah. bukan ape, x biase ada masa senggang. da terbiasa hidup hectic. tp ble busy sgt, mula lah merungut2. huhuhu.... manusia, mmg x penah bersyukur, kn?

well, harapnye pagi ni nk berjumpe Kak S., master's student under sv lah.. nk tnye die cane nk apply jd RA ( Research Assistant). tapi rupenye Kak S tak datang lab hari ni. so ade Kak I. she is nice. a PhD student. lembut suaranye. comel2 gitu. so tnye lah Kak I, ade x keje yg boleh ditolong ( i'm pretty lost u see..) and kak I. said, " owh, br je on pump, amek mse dalam sejam br kite start experiment k?" nice kn? at least ade mende gak nk dibuat. so borak2 lah sekejap. rupenye Kak I ni dl lecturer UIA, on study leave sbb nk smbung PhD. pastu die swuh bace journal, yg ada kaitan ngn experiment yang bakal dibuat. so, bace jelah kn? huhuhu.. banyak nye term x paham!! double-clad, single mode pump, multi-mode pump, huaaaaaaaaa.... ble mase plak belajar sume ni? ade eh dl belajar? nape mcm blur?! xpe2. keep positive. beselah. first day. sabar ye?!

bace punye bace... ok la.. nmpak sket cahaya di jalan yg gelap ni. truskan perjuangan. and then Prof S swuh download borang RA. ooo camni ke cara nk apply.. nape la x habaq awal2. kalau x semalam lagi da boleh siap sume. so pasni kne la g print kt bilik. alang2 amek lah mouse pink yg tertinggal tu skali kat kolej. pasni mau balik rumah. ok, continue cite. pastu, kak I nk start experiment. tp die pown mcm blur2 je. ke die buat2 blur? ntah le. die kate die pown x abes bace paper tu. maybe die saje je ckp sbb die mcm tau je pe nk buat.

mse awal2 wat experiment it was ok. but being blur as always, mcm xpaham pe la motive/objective utama experiment ni. ikut je lah dl kn? so my task was tu increase the pump power. tp kne buat slowly. sbb its high power pump. ok... wat jelah. then mid-way kak I swuh increase kn smp zero, sbb output power rendah sgt. tahap nanowatt. pergh, x penah jmp lagi ni. ke ade error? x berani plak nk tnye. ye la, kite dak br belajar. so, decrease jelah. dr 2000++ mW ttbe je trun jd 0 mW. ah sudah! cane plak jadi mcm ni? ak decrease laju sgt ke? rse mcm bese je. cuak2. kak I. pown mcm cuak. aish. mati lah!! first day keje da ade bencana!

then kak I ttbe kate, xpe lah. biar jelah. nt die tgk. da lunch time. die nk g makan. tp muka die mcm garang. huhu.. cuak!! tp ble senyum kt die, die senyum je balik. huhuhu... Ya ALLAH. help!!

inikah cinta?

sambil2 wat lab report G1 yang da lame tertangguh ni... ttbe teringat pulak kt awk. ok2. tipu. i was thinking of u constantly :) ni la bahana tgk cte korea yg sgt2 sweet smbl wat keje. angau memanjang... =P

well that is not the point.
i searched for a sweet quote then, and i found this...

 I never knew you until I did. And when I finally did, you were like someone I’ve known for a very long time. I then remembered, you are the one my heart has been talking about. 


sweet sgt kn?
honestly... i'm afraid to admit that i'm in love ( or did i just did? hohoho!!)
life has taught me so much. true, i'm not the first person ever been through a series of heartbreaks and shocks ( oh ya btw i just found out that my ex dump me because he has gotten married to his friend. yup. long story. long stupid story.)


nevertheless, the good things that came after that was... countless. priceless. totally grateful for those blessing from HIM. some of them are:

• i found out that i could actually live like a very normal person even without him. dulu rse mcm impossible. what a childish way of thinking T_T
• rupe2 my mom is a very good compatibility checker. ahahaha! so lepas ni, kena bwk calon2 jmp ma secepat mungkin before deciding to go serious. sbb ma said, me and ex was never compatible. and now, i couldn't agree more with ma :) love u mama forever! 
• i lost a best friend ( well, i thought he was lah)... but discover a bunch of loyal friends, that was always by my side all these while. thanx dears. sayang korang!
• i found myself again. i realised that i am a very2 strong person. even when the hell breaks loose, i was able to keep calm and composed. even manage to sit for optic test 2 days after knowing 'that'. whoa! i'm personally proud of myself. :)
• i found u. and that, is really2 great. really. 

thanks dear. for your support. and care. i know, u felt more than what u've shown. thanks for keeping it modest. i love the way things are right now between us. juggling between family, FYP etc., your presence sure does sooth things out for me. love ya! :)

HE knows what is the best for us. lets just put our trust in HIM and strive to do our best in life. insyaALLAH. 

lovepeace ^_^V

cinta antara kita

maaf.. selagi tidak sy hamburkan isi hati ini.. maka selagi itulah tidak tenteram jiwa sy utk meneruskan perjuangan ini ( i.e lab reports, asgmnt and thesis huhuhu)

dan sy juga berdoa sgt2, agar awk tidak akan sekali2 terbaca post ini. sbb kalau sy nk bgtaw awk, da lame sy luahkan segalanye. tapi itu bukanlah yg terbaik buat kita.

sy sering keliru, siapa awk pada sy. biarpun petah saja sy mengatakan kita hanyalah kawan. tidak lebih dan tidak kurang, mana mungkin sy mampu menipu hati yang teruja tatkala terdengar nama awk disebut2, getaran yang terbit bile kehadiran awk dirasai.. mata ini sering kali mencari senyuman mahal awk tu..

bercerita tentang angau sy mmg smp bile pown takkan habis.
hehehe...

dan tiba saat hati ini mula yakin, kebenaran yang tersembunyi menjelma dan meranapkan segala angan2 yang terintai2... semakin dekat jiwa kita, semakin sy sedar, sy tidak sempurna utk awk...

bunyi mcm cliche, tapi benar, masakan pipit ingin terbang bersama si enggang...

keindahan peribadi awk, dan keteguhan awk berpegang pada prinsip awk, dan ketulusan awk dalam menghadapi kehidupan membuat kan sy rase kecil. dan dikala keyakinan itu pudar, hati ini terbisik, " Subhanallah, andai la seorang manusia yang serba kekurangan mampu membuat aku sekecil ini, bagaimana pula pandangan-Mu pada ku Ya RAbbi..."

mungkin kah ini kali pertama sy jatuh cinta tanpa ingin memiliki? hahahha... tipu la kalau tidak ada sekelumit rasa ingin memiliki dan dimiliki. tapi, inilah kali pertama, sy jatuh cinta sambil menyedari bahawa awk tidak mungkin sy miliki. in fact, sy langsung tak layak utk menagih cinta ini...

tiada sesal pown... malah, sy rse sgt2 terharu, sbb awk juga merasai ape yg sy rase. ( walaupun sy x pernah mengaku pape kt awk.. hahahah)
tapi.. sy tau awk paham. sy tau awk boleh baca ap yg tersirat dalam hati ni. thnx awk. sy tau awk wat camtu sbb awk mmg seorang yang sgt tgi budi pekertinya. dan oleh kerana itu, sy bertambah yakin yang sy mmg bukan yang terbaik untuk awk. ...T_T

yuna-cinta sempurna with lyric [HQ]

Opick - Rapuh ( bersama lirik )

rapuh

Artist : Opick
Lirik Lagu : Opick - Rapuh

Opick - Rapuh 

detik waktu terus berjalan
berhias gelap dan terang
suka dan duka tangis dan tawa
tergores bagai lukisan

seribu mimpi berjuta sepi
hadir bagai teman sejati
di antara lelahnya jiwa
dalam resah dan air mata
kupersembahkan kepadaMu
yang terindah dalam hidup

meski ku rapuh dalam langkah
kadang tak setia kepadaMu
namun cinta dalam jiwa
hanyalah padaMu

maafkanlah bila hati
tak sempurna mencintaiMu
dalam dadaku harap hanya
diriMu yang bertahta

detik waktu terus berlalu
semua berakhir padaMu

hidup perlu diteruskan...

da dua minggu...

awk, sihat tak? sy kat sini sihat2 je. at least physically. oh, but that doesn't mean emotionally i'm not ok. i think i'm ok inside too. utk sesorang yang baru putus cinta ( hahahaha! dulu mati-matian tak kan mengaku bercinta), sy rase sy masih lagi waras. 

sebenarnye, smp sekarang sy tatau ape da jd sebenarnye. setiap hari, no matter how busy i made myself be, akan ada saat2 yang sy akan terpikir tentang awk, dan terpikir, " what went wrong?".." what did i do wrong?", sy yang berubah ke awk yang berubah? kenapa awk decide nak tinggalkan sy, at times sy da berazam utk menjadi lebih baik, dan berusaha bersungguh2 nk paham awk? SHOULDN'T I BE THE ONE DUMPING U???? hohoho... maybe tu antara sebab sy still bengang. hehehe... typical me.

sy benci menyalahkan diri sy setiap hari. sy tau sy tak sempurna, but u are not that awesome either. you are nice, fun, smart, confident, but that doesn't give you any right to break me as such. so much for being honest with each other eh? i am honest, to the best level i could. but u, on the other hand, a real poser. u said u hid things from my knowledge to avoid my heartache, but i can't help feeling that u are just hiding it to avoid being guilty. FOOLISH ME, kn? 

all the while, i've told you, bercintalah secara sederhana. we never know whats gonna happen in the future. but nooooooo....you, being you, always want things to be extravagant. now, every time my parents start asking how you are living and doing there, seeing how they are worried about you makes me really sad and angry, and very disappointed, not to you, but to myself, for letting someone as selfish as you are near my family. somehow, deep down, i knew, once u there, you'll dump me once you get the opportunity. my instinct rarely fails me. 

but being angry and sad wont make thing better for me. kn? therefore, now, i choose to let you go.

i do not wish to let you affect my life anymore. for the sake of our good memories, i'll simply believe all your excuses and will always be praying for your health, happiness and safety.

Please, badrul muneer mohamad, no matter what you do, or where you are, take care of yourself nicely k? 

may you find what you are looking for. jaga solat, jaga amalan, jaga makan, jaga kesihatan awk k?

jaga hubungan dengan Allah SWT, dan jaga hubungan sesama manusia juga...

jujurlah pada diri sdr k? jgn pendam2 perasaan tu. kalau sedih, kalau marah... lepaskan je. simpan mende2 negative ni sorang2, xnk share ngn sesape boleh jd sakit tau x? thats why you are this miserable.

don't hurt another person like you did to me. sbb sakitnye, masyaAllah... jgn citer la. 

it's ok for me to live without you, as long as i know you are happy, and healthy. 

we will meet again someday. and when we do, hopefully, things will be better and we could laugh together at our stupidity. insyaAllah. =)